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Some Teens Making Technical Argument for Sex

By Charlene Carter
Black College Wire

A teen who appears in the "I Have a Future" television commercial.

When is someone who has had sex still considered a virgin? What is sex?

If you have oral or anal sex, but never engaged in vaginal penetration, are you still a virgin?

If you answered no to the last question, you're probably an absolutist. If you answered yes, you've stumbled upon a concept to which some teens have been subscribing for years — “technical virginity.”

Technical virginity refers to the status of people who have participated in sexual activities other than penile-vaginal penetration. According to Washington, D.C., sex therapist Dr. Hani Miletski, author of a recent book about bestiality, the broad interpretation of the term has provided teens with a loophole for defining their sexual status. However, she says it amounts to little more than a technicality.

"Sex is sex. There are all kinds of things you can do besides intercourse and still be considered sexually active. I just don't buy the notion of technical virginity," Miletski said.

Kia Cooke, a 17-year-old senior at Mount Vernon High School in Fairfax County, Va., pondered the concept of technical virginity and disputed the term’s validity.

Cooke defined a virgin as a person who has not had any sexual experiences. "You shouldn't be considered a virgin if you've participated in oral sex, because you're participating in sexual activities. That's why they call it oral sex," Cooke said.

Still, some teens don't quite agree. Cooke's friend, an 18-year-old female and recent graduate of Mount Vernon High School who requested anonymity, said, "That's not entirely true. If you have oral sex you are still a virgin."

According to statistics from the Alan Guttmacher Institute, a nonprofit organization focused on sexual and reproductive health research, the majority of young women become sexually active as teenagers.

Seventy-five percent have their first sexual experience by age 20.

Teens say the possibilities of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases are always on their minds, so that subscribing to the “technical virginity” theory allows them to experience sex without worry.

This is the view that the technicalvirgin.com Web site aims to discourage. At first glance, the site seems to promote the practice, but it actually parodies the way some teens view abstinence.

Using fictional testimonials, TV commercials and creative date ideas, the Web site pokes fun at how technical virginity influences the way teens view abstinence.

In response, the “frequently asked questions” section of the site establishes its purpose. "We feel that the entire abstinence approach to teen sexuality is unrealistic and misguided, and this site is our response to that. We believe that if the current abstinence movement continues to preach total abstinence, it will send the message that only heterosexual, vaginal intercourse is "real sex" and that other types of sexual behavior are not "really sex," the site states.

The site also features a "Technical Virgin Pledge" in which readers assert that vaginal, heterosexual intercourse should be abstained from until marriage. But it allows "sharing orgasms with others, via manual, oral, and anal sex between consenting partners, whether of my same sex or the opposite sex."

Miletski said that religion and morality are issues that have a significant impact on the way teens want to classify their sexuality.

"Catholicism translates sex to intercourse, so Catholic teens will do everything but sex before marriage, and it makes them feel good about the morality aspect," Miletski said.

Kristen Woods, a 15-year-old student at Banneker High School in Washington, agrees, saying that it might be important for technical virgins to be considered pure to protect their image as well as their morality.

"They're probably just ashamed about what they've done, so when someone asks them if they are a virgin they want to be able to say yes," Woods said.

Charlene Carter is a student at Howard University who writes for The District Chronicles.