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College Romance: Keep Your Eye on the Prize

By Leesa Davis
Black College Wire

Javon Clarke, a junior history major at Howard University, was ecstatic when he first met his ex-girlfriend during freshman year. But after losing a full tuition scholarship from Howard University, Clarke realized that maintaining a serious relationship and balancing academics were too strenuous for him.

"I was neglecting my classes and I had to keep up a 3.0 for my scholarship," Clarke said. "My girlfriend and I were both on campus, so we would see each other every day and talk on the phone every day."

Clarke admits that although he was not involved in extracurricular activities, taking 15 credits and spending time with his girlfriend was very time- consuming. And as a result of his lack of time management, Clarke is now paying his tuition out of pocket.

Eight months into the relationship, Clarke and his girlfriend decided to break up.

According to Nicole Scott-Connerly, a doctor and training director of psychology at Howard University, serious relationships in college can help an individual's personal growth or hinder it.

"For some students, being in a committed relationship will work if they feel that person is the one they will share their lives with," she said. "For other students who are already in a relationship and go off to college, their growth in many cases can be stifled." She also added that since females outnumber males at Howard, many young men on campus might become unfaithful.

"There are about four females to one guy, so some males may not be truthful in the relationship. For the female, this can lead to low self- esteem," Scott-Connerly said.

Audrey Chapman says academics should be students' primary focus.

Valerie Turner, a psychologist in counseling services at Howard, says college life is about exploration. "Your early college years, especially, should be about meeting new people," she said. "A serious relationship involves time and effort. One shouldn't restrict themselves in a relationship, but if it's a serious healthy relationship, then that's fine."

Audrey Chapman, a counselor at Howard's Counseling Services and author of the book,"Seven Attitude Adjustments for Finding a Loving Man," says that academics should be the primary focus of students, although forming relationships is also important.

Chapman pointed out that long-distance relationships tend to be problematic, though she is not discouraging it.

"If you're a female from Oakland, Calif., and you're here in D.C., he meets someone, then you meet someone, it becomes difficult," Chapman says. "Many relationships form between the ages of 18-25, whether it's serious, sexual, platonic or all of the above."

Chapman says that nowadays, many women go to college hoping to meet their future husband. Then they go on to graduate school and start a family, and have to deal with the responsibilities of managing a family while in school.

Chapman said she is not discouraging serious relationships, but said that while in school, we should all be mindful of our goals.

Leesa Davis is a student at Howard University who writes for The Hilltop.

Posted Nov. 21, 2003