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Student Parents Find Support Where They Can

Photo credit: Joanna Hernandez/Campus Echo Xenovia Lewis, left, Yolanda Whitted and Shaunte Rivera discuss being single parents at North Carolina Central as Whitted's son, Jayon, joins them.

By Ihuoma Ezeh and Angela Fedrick
Black College Wire

Ask Yolanda Whitted about her life and she will tell you that she is a mother, a teacher, a manager and a student.

An English education senior at North Carolina Central University holding down a 3.3 GPA, Whitted is home-schooling her 9-year-old son, Jayon.

She also manages Jesus and Me Christian Street Productions, a nonprofit organization that supports at-risk children.

This leaves little time for sleep. On a good night, Whitted will get five hours.

�From the time I wake up in the morning until the time I go to bed, there is not a time that I am not doing something,� said Whitted.

Nationally, 13.3 percent of college students were single parents in 1999-2000, according to the latest available figures from the National Center for Education Statistics.

For whites, the figure was 10.5 percent; for Latinos, 17.3 percent; for Asians, 10.2 percent and for American Indian/Alaska Natives, 20.4 percent.

For black or African American students, the figure was 28.8 percent.

Sophomore Xenovia Lewis, who is majoring in criminal justice at North Carolina Central, is a mother of four: Quianna, 9, Quiesha, 8, Kwi�Shawn, 3, and KiaAsiah, 2.

�It takes a lot of determination, courage and hard work to make it through every single day,� said Lewis.

Being a good example to her children is a top priority for Lewis, even when times get tough.

�I have no excuse for not excelling because my children look up to me. The only support that I get is earned by working. I receive no support from any agencies because they would not let me work or go to school full-time.�

Lewis had her first child, Quianna, a year out of high school. She then joined the Navy to make ends meet.

She said her biggest fear was that her children might go through the same cycle -- becoming young single parents.

According to Shaunt� Rivera, a nursing freshman at North Carolina Central, �through every passing day is a discovery of new challenges.�

Rivera is raising two children, Daeza, 2, and Jaida, 18 months.

She gets support from the Interfaith Hospitality Network, which provides day-care vouchers, and lives at Genesis, a transitional home, with seven other women and their 14 children.

Rivera said this way of life can be difficult for anyone.

�Each of us has different goals in life. It�s very hard to deal with all these traumas, yet keep up with school work.�

Thinking of her children and their future is what makes it worthwhile.

�My kids keep me going,� she said. �I am all that they have. I have to be a good example so they can see me succeed in my life, and therefore, succeed in theirs.

�Hard work and struggling got me NCCU. So while I�m here, I have to make the best use of my opportunity.

�I want my kids to be strong, independent women. I want them to see how mommy has struggled to provide them with their basic needs. I want them to do even better in their own lives,� said Rivera.

Rivera said younger students who are not doing well in school should be more aware of the consequences that result from slacking off.

�Look at what you have now and what you aspire to have and reevaluate yourself. Be honest with yourself because, truth be told, you don�t need clubs, boyfriends or girlfriends right now,� she said.

�You can choose to work hard now and enjoy later, or choose to enjoy now and spend the rest of your life working and chasing a few dollars.�

* * *

For Destiny Stokes and her boyfriend, life is on a tight schedule. A sophomore at Clark Atlanta University, she typically starts her school day with an early morning feeding of her six-month-old daughter Selah. She prepares for school by getting her books and schoolwork together while making sure little Selah is settled.

When 10 a.m. rolls around, Stokes is relieved by Selah's father, a sophomore, so she can shower and head to her 11 a.m. class.

"We work together. Once my boyfriend gets out of class, that allows me enough time to get ready for my class," Stokes said.

On afternoons, when the two are tied up with class, Stokes' mother baby-sits.

According to Stokes, the decision to be a mother and finish school was a true test of her strength.

"My freshman year, I was attending Xavier . . ., and I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend was attending a community college at the time," Stokes said.

Throughout college, Stokes' grandmother had been her financial backbone. But her grandmother threatened to stop funding Stokes' college education unless she had an abortion.

"Abortion was not an option for me," Stokes said. Then three months pregnant, Stokes learned to find strength in herself and her boyfriend while facing exclusion from her family.

"My grandmother eventually went ahead in helping me with my college education, realizing that I was not going to have an abortion. Some family members were trying to convince me that [abortion] was just a 'speck of blood,' but looking at my daughter, I know better," Stokes said.

In the end, Stokes' family came around. With open arms, they welcomed her when she and her boyfriend decided to move to Atlanta and finish school at Clark.

"They adore Selah," she said.

"I have to graduate because I want my daughter to be proud of me, and I want to be proud of myself," she added.

Stokes warned students against judging those who find themselves performing the juggling act of both parent and student.

"You never know a person's situation. Some women are raped or married; you never know," she said.

Stokes plans to start an organization on campus to help mothers and expecting mothers who attend college. "The organization will help with transportation needs as well as general support," she said.

That idea has already taken hold at Howard University, where the Howard University Student-Parent Support Group was established in 2000. The students help each other with babysitting emergencies, car-pooling and other assistance. Administered by Howard's College of Arts and Sciences, the group provides student parents with workshops, book vouchers and crucial access to grants. The students also participate in an outreach program in which they encourage high school parents to pursue higher education.

Among this group's concerns is lack of accommodations for children in such places as the library.

"A lot of times they are eliminated from some of the academic support tools that other students can get because they have children," adviser Linda Jones said.

Dr. Franklin D. Chambers, vice provost for student affairs, said he was sensitive to such issues. "We are actually reviewing that policy," he said. "The reason that students with children (or just children in general) have not been allowed in many facilities are for liability reasons."

* * *

While 16.5 percent of female college students nationally were parents, according to the figures for 1999-2000, so were 9.1 percent of male students -- men such as Kenneth Lewis, a junior at Clark Atlanta.

Lewis cried tears of joy when his daughter Aneesa was born on Jan. 15.

"I am finishing this semester and taking the next semester off while my fianc�e goes on maternity leave," he said.

Lewis said he and his fianc�e, also a student at Clark Atlanta, would help each other to finish school. "I am a firm believer in finishing what you start," he said, adding that he believed a child has given him extra focus in making sure he accomplishes his goals.

�I expected to be busy and tired, but didn�t know to what extent it would put a strain on my body,� he said. �I�m kind of tired. Talking about fatherhood and living it are two different things.�

�I am blessed to have the support of my family and fianc�e; everyone does not have that,� Lewis said.

Lewis does not look down on those who decide to quit school, he said, because he believes that "people have to do what they have to do."

"I am blessed to have the support of my family and my fianc�e; everyone does not have that," he said.

For students who are parents or expectant parents, Planned Parenthood offers assistance in finding day care and parenting classes. The organization also offers discounts on minimal medical care for students. To find Planned Parenthood locations, call 1-800-230-PLAN.

Ihuoma Ezeh, a student at North Carolina Central University, writes for The Campus Echo; Angela Fedrick, a student at Clark Atlanta University, writes for The CAU Panther. Heather Maison, a student at Howard University who writes for The Hilltop, also contributed to this report.

Posted Feb. 7, 2005